Finding Peace in the Present Moment: Mindfulness Guide for Ex-JW & Religious Shunning

Finding Peace in the Present: A Mindfulness Guide for Those Walking Away from High-Control Religions

When you make the courageous decision to leave a high-control religious environment like the Jehovah's Witnesses, the world can suddenly feel overwhelming and unfamiliar. The shunning that follows—being cut off from family, friends, and the only community you have ever known—creates a unique form of trauma that few people truly understand. In those early days, weeks, and even years after leaving, your mind becomes a battlefield of regret, anxiety, shame, and an endless loop of "what if" scenarios.

I understand this journey intimately because I have walked this path myself. Twelve years ago, I made the decision to leave the Jehovah's Witnesses, knowing full well that it would cost me my relationships with family and lifelong friends. The shunning that followed brought waves of loneliness, self-doubt, fear, and a profound sense of disconnection from everything I had once known as "home." But through this journey, I discovered something transformative: the power of living in the present moment.

As someone who has been trained and mentored by transformational leaders such as Tony Robbins, Cloe Madanes, Christian Mickelsen, and Eckhart Tolle, I have learned that developing a present-moment mindset is not just beneficial—it is essential for healing from the trauma of religious shunning. Today, I want to share with you how this simple yet profound practice can become your anchor in the storm of transition and your pathway to a life of greater peace, authenticity, and joy.

Understanding the Mental Prison of Past and Future

When you are being shunned or have recently left a high-control religion, your mind rarely stays in the present. Instead, it ping-pongs between two equally painful places: the past and the future. In the past, you replay conversations with family members, wondering if you could have handled things differently. You revisit the moments of connection you once had, now seemingly lost forever. You might find yourself caught in cycles of regret, thinking, "If only I had stayed quiet," or "Maybe I was wrong to leave."

The future presents its own terrors. Your mind races with worries: "Will I ever have a real family again?" "How will I build meaningful relationships when I don't know how to trust?" "What if I can't make it on my own?" "Will the loneliness ever end?" These anxious projections create a constant state of mental agitation that can manifest as depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and a deep sense of hopelessness.

Here is what I learned through my healing journey and from working with countless others in similar situations: when your mind is trapped in the past, you experience feelings of regret and shame. When it is fixated on the future, you experience anxiety and fear. But when you bring your attention to the present moment, something remarkable happens—you find peace.

What Is a Present Moment Mindset?

A present moment mindset, also known as mindfulness, is the practice of focusing your awareness on what is happening right now—in this moment—while calmly acknowledging your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment. For those of us who have experienced religious shunning, this practice becomes particularly powerful because it offers us a refuge from the mental torment of past regrets and future fears.

Think about it this way: right now, in this very moment, as you are reading these words, you are safe. You are breathing. You are surviving. The shunning, while painful, is not actively harming you in this present moment. The anxiety about tomorrow's challenges is not a current reality. The regret about yesterday's choices cannot change what has already happened. But in this moment, you have the power to choose where to place your attention.

For someone healing from religious trauma, developing a present-moment mindset means learning to recognize when your thoughts are pulling you away from the here and now and gently guiding your attention back to what is actually happening in your immediate experience. It is about finding stability amid emotional chaos.

The Unique Benefits for Those Healing from Shunning

While mindfulness benefits everyone, it offers particular advantages for those of us who have experienced the trauma of religious shunning:

Breaking the Cycle of Rumination

One of the most devastating aspects of being shunned is the mental rumination that follows. Your mind becomes like a broken record, replaying painful conversations, analyzing every decision, and catastrophizing about the future. This rumination keeps you trapped in suffering long after the initial trauma has occurred.

A present-moment mindset interrupts this cycle. When you notice your mind spinning in circles of regret or worry, you can use mindfulness techniques to anchor yourself in the present. Instead of getting caught up in the story of your pain, you can observe it with compassion and then redirect your attention to what is happening in the present moment.

Rebuilding Your Sense of Self

High-control religions often suppress individual identity in favor of group conformity. When you leave, you may feel as though you no longer know who you are outside of the religious framework. This identity confusion can be overwhelming and disorienting.

Present moment awareness helps you reconnect with your authentic self. By paying attention to your genuine reactions, preferences, and feelings in each moment, you begin to rediscover who you are beneath the layers of religious conditioning. You start to trust your inner wisdom again.

Managing Overwhelming Emotions

The emotions that accompany religious shunning can feel tsunami-like in their intensity. Grief, anger, fear, shame, and loneliness can crash over you in waves, making you feel like you are drowning. Many people try to escape these feelings through distraction, substances, or other numbing behaviors.

Mindfulness teaches you to stay present with difficult emotions without being overwhelmed by them. You learn that emotions, no matter how intense, are temporary experiences that arise and pass away. By breathing through them and observing them with compassion, you develop emotional resilience and inner strength.

Developing Self-Compassion

Perhaps one of the most healing aspects of mindfulness for those healing from religious trauma is the development of self-compassion. High-control religions often instill deep shame and self-criticism. You may have internalized messages that you are "not good enough," "spiritually weak," or "deserving of punishment."

Present moment awareness helps you observe these self-critical thoughts without believing them or identifying with them. You begin to treat yourself with the same kindness you would show a dear friend who was suffering. This self-compassion becomes the foundation for genuine healing and growth.

Practical Strategies for Developing Present Moment Awareness

Start Your Day with Intention

The moment you wake up each morning, before your mind starts racing with the day's worries or yesterday's regrets, take a few minutes to ground yourself in the present. While still in bed, notice five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel (the texture of your sheets, the temperature of the air), two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

Then place your hand on your chest and feel your breath moving in and out. Count at least 25 breaths, returning your attention to the physical sensation of breathing whenever your mind wanders. This simple practice sets the tone for mindfulness throughout your entire day.

Transform Routine Activities into Mindfulness Practice

Some of the most powerful opportunities for developing present-moment awareness arise during routine activities. When you are brushing your teeth, washing dishes, taking a shower, or preparing meals, resist the urge to let your mind wander to painful memories or anxious projections about the future.

Instead, bring your full attention to the activity at hand. Feel the warm water on your skin during your shower. Notice the taste of the toothpaste and the sensation of the brush against your teeth. Pay attention to the sounds, smells, and physical sensations of cooking. These mundane moments become opportunities for peace and presence.

Use Waiting as a Gift

We spend considerable time waiting each day—in traffic, in lines, for appointments, for phone calls to be returned. For someone dealing with the trauma of shunning, waiting can be particularly difficult because it leaves space for the mind to spin into painful territories.

Reframe waiting as a gift rather than an annoyance. When you find yourself waiting, use it as an opportunity to practice present-moment awareness. Notice your environment with curiosity. Feel your feet on the ground. Pay attention to your breath—these small moments of mindfulness throughout the day compound into significant shifts in your overall mental state.

Establish a Daily Meditation Practice

While mindfulness can be practiced anywhere, setting aside time for formal meditation creates a strong foundation for present moment awareness. You do not need special equipment or a perfect environment. A quiet corner of your home, a comfortable chair, and 10-20 minutes is all you need to start.

Begin by focusing on your breath. When your mind wanders (and it will), gently bring your attention back to breathing. Do not judge yourself for getting distracted—this is normal and part of the practice. The strength you build in meditation will serve you throughout your day when challenging emotions or memories arise.

Practice Single-Tasking

Our culture glorifies multitasking, but research shows that single-tasking is more effective and less stressful. For someone healing from religious trauma, the practice of doing one thing at a time can be particularly grounding.

When you are eating, just eat. When you are reading, just read. When you are having a conversation, give it your full attention. This practice helps you develop the ability to be fully present in each moment rather than having your attention scattered across multiple concerns.

Overcoming Common Challenges

When Painful Memories Intrude

It is natural for painful memories related to shunning to arise during mindfulness practice. When this happens, do not try to push the memories away or judge yourself for having them. Instead, acknowledge their presence with compassion: "I notice I'm having a memory about the last conversation with my mother."

Then gently redirect your attention to the present moment. Feel your feet on the floor, notice your breathing, or focus on sounds in your environment. Remember that memories are not happening now—they are thoughts about the past arising in the present moment.

Dealing with Intense Emotions

Sometimes, present moment awareness can initially intensify emotions rather than calm them. This is because you are no longer distracting yourself from feelings you have been avoiding. This is actually a sign that the practice is working, even though it may feel uncomfortable.

When intense emotions arise, try the RAIN technique:

• Recognize what you are feeling without judgment
• Allow the emotion to be present without trying to change it
• Investigate the emotion with kindness and curiosity
• Non-attachment - remember that this emotion is temporary and will pass

Working with Resistance

Your mind may resist present-moment awareness, especially at the beginning. This is normal. Your mind has been conditioned to worry about the future and ruminate about the past as a way of trying to protect itself. It may feel strange or even unsafe to let go of this mental activity.

Start small and be patient with yourself. Even a few moments of present-moment awareness are beneficial. Gradually increase the time as the practice becomes more comfortable and natural.

The Healing Power of Now

As you develop greater skill in present moment awareness, you will begin to notice profound shifts in your relationship with your shunning experience. The past will still be part of your story, but it will not have the same power to torment you. The future will still hold uncertainties, but you will not be paralyzed by anxiety about them.

Instead, you will discover that this moment—right now—contains everything you need to take the next step forward. You will find that you have more resilience than you realized, more strength than you knew, and more capacity for joy than you imagined possible.

The journey of healing from religious shunning is not a straight line, and developing a present-moment mindset is not a cure-all. But it is a powerful tool that can help you navigate this challenging transition with greater peace, clarity, and self-compassion. It can help you reclaim your authentic self and build a life that is truly your own.

Remember, you are not broken. You are not beyond repair. You are a courageous soul who chose truth over comfort, authenticity over approval, and freedom over fear. The present moment is where your healing happens, where your strength is found, and where your new life begins.

Every moment offers a fresh start. Every breath is a new beginning. And in this moment, right now, you are enough exactly as you are.

Braiden Hartwell is a transformational life coach who specializes in supporting individuals who have experienced shunning from high-control religions. Having walked this path himself after leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses 12 years ago, Braiden understands the unique challenges faced by those who choose authenticity over religious conformity. Trained and mentored by renowned leaders, including Tony Robbins, Cloe Madanes, Christian Mickelsen, and Eckhart Tolle, Braiden offers personalized life coaching through his company, "ACT - Accelerated Coaching Transformation," along with specialized courses designed to help individuals overcome the adverse effects of religious shunning.

In Summer 2025, Braiden will be launching "The Lore Collective" (TLC) - "Land of Refuge & Empowerment" - an online community for individuals shunned from any high-control religion. LORE represents the wisdom, stories, and collective knowledge of those who have courageously chosen to leave restrictive religious environments. This community will provide a space for healing, connection, and transformation through group coaching, specialized courses, and meaningful connections with like-minded individuals who understand the journey from religious trauma to authentic living.

It’s time to start your healing journey and develop the tools to thrive after experiencing religious shunning. Braiden is here to offer compassionate support and guidance, drawing on both professional training and personal experience. Your story matters, your courage is acknowledged, and your healing is possible.